What’s Up With Sandae?

So some of you who are loyal readers may be wondering what’s up with me and why I’m not writing as much. I’m gonna get really real and raw here so I hope you can handle it. The truth is that I’ve been working so many hours for the last couple of weeks that I’ve found I don’t have as much energy to write as I did before. Or time for that matter. 

The struggle is real, y’all. I’ve had to take on work doing “favors” for people and working for myself for the app called Favor. It’s a cool concept but the pay really relies on tips and lets face it, not everyone is a good tipper. I’ll wait 30 mins for your food and then drive 15 mins to get it to you and you’ll give me a $2 tip. It’s really quite ridiculous actually. The thing is I didn’t realize this before I decided to do this. I mean, I know I can be cheap at times but this is a whole new level. 

Anyways, back to me! So I’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks now. I work close to 10 hours almost every single day driving around to get your stuff for you. It’s not a bad gig, but I do wish I made more money. I’ve been putting the feelers out there for jobs and I’ve applied to more than I’ll ever be able to count. Apparently it’s just not my time yet. I sometimes feel low - so low you can’t imagine. I moved here to TX for a great job with a great company who let me and thousands of other people go. Now I can barely get an interview. I have an MBA if that matters, honestly, not sure it does. 

I’ve started applying for free and reduced programs. I’ve never in my life had to do any of this before. I don’t know how to even do it but somehow I’ve found the resources and tools that I need. I am humbled to a whole other level. Having never been in this position before, I am amazed at how little you really need to survive yet how hard it is to get that little bit that you need. 

I did my taxes and had a great big return coming to me. I thought I’d be set for a couple of months. Guess what! When you are behind on stuff like your student loan, the government can sweep in and take your entire refund and apply it to your student loan. The only positive things about this are a) you never had the money to begin with and b) your credit monitoring app gives you a congratulatory email that you’ve paid down some of your balance! 

None of this is being said to make you feel sorry for me. Like I said, I’m being raw and real with you all. I think it’s important for people to know that other people suffer and go through things similar to them. We all have needs and wants and issues and everything else. As an influencer, I think it’s even more important to be transparent and show you all that I struggle too. Cute outfits don’t pay the bills! 

So what am I going to do about it? I’ve been working a lot but not making as much as I’d like. I’m going to continue to apply for all of the corporate jobs even if it’s not really where I want to be. I’d love to blog more and make more money with that. I love to write. I love to style. I love photography and teaching and training and the list goes on and on. I will someday be an entrepreneur and have my own business. I’m currently working on getting funding for an online accesssories boutique. How fun will that be??!! 

I’ve found that the possibilities are endless if you have money. When you don’t have money, you can’t get approved for loans or pay bills on time or perhaps get a job at the Federal Reserve since they run credit checks. 

It’s all okay though, really. I heard a quote in a movie that said “in the end it will be okay, and if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end. 

Years of giving to charities and to church and volunteering for organizations and all of that thinking how well I was doing and how could that be someone like me? Well now it is. You know what is so interesting though? I’ve met more people this last week who have been in my situation. People who have good jobs. People that you would never think would need help and they’ve been put here in my life to help me. People who have been in shelters and needed food pantries and people who had careers and good jobs and good families. It happens to all of us. I’m sure that I’ve taken on all of this now to be a help and a blessing to someone else in the future. 

Please don’t feel sorry for me. I have a roof over my head and food on my table and a car that runs. I have a means to provide even if it isn’t ideal. I have a son who loves me and cares for me and helps me when I need it - like making dinner after a long day. I’ve learned more through this process than I otherwise would have.

I wonder why me? But someone told me to ask why not me? Maybe I’ve had enough for so long that I needed to take a step back and realize what it’s like to need. I really don’t know. I’ve asked God to please provide. He just provided for me today even if it’s not the way I expected it. 

I’m looking for work which is a full time job in itself! I’m ready and able and willing! I feel like when my time comes, it’s gonna be the right opportunity at the right place at the right time. 

I only write all of this to help someone else who’s out there feeling alone or ashamed. I didn’t ask for this and I’m sure you didn’t either. My anxiety is through the roof some days just thinking about things but worrying won’t make it any better! I felt ashamed to ask for help at first, but that’s why it’s there! And again, don’t feel ashamed for asking for any type of help- whether it’s monetary or emotional or babysitting or whatever! 

So enough of my pep talk for you! I can’t publish a post without showing you a picture of a cute outfit so here’s one for you! 

Tee- Universal Standard

Skirt- Madison skirt from Lularoe

Sandals- Just Fab (last year) 

Thanks for reading and following along with me! 

Sandae