This Is Me

I have a confession to make. I have never seen the show This Is Us. That’s right-don’t hate me but I just haven’t seen it. Last year when it first came on, I wasn’t watching a lot of television-I was working a lot and looking for a job and then I was moving and then working- you get it-Life happens. But from what I do know about it-people cry when they watch it. They come to work and say they cry or they comment on Facebook that they cry and even the actors themselves were on a talk show where they said they cry when they watch it. Crying for me is the last thing that I want to do-especially when being entertained by a television show. This is me.

The other thing I know about the show is the premise. These folks lives are entwined somehow and I think some (or all?) even share a birthday. This is the story of people like us. People like you and me. I did tell my friend yesterday that I would try to catch up and watch the show. Even though I don’t want to cry, I probably will and I probably will even end up like all of you- loving the show. This is me.

I got the idea for my blog post title when I saw this show was coming back on. I have been doing some serious thinking lately and yes, I am going to go there in this post. I think about the world going on around us. I think how the events that are happening are signaling to us that we are in the last days. The earthquakes, the hurricanes, the threat of war-the list goes on and on.  I keep going back to the verse in the Bible that says “wars and rumors of wars”. Jesus is coming back, ya’ll. Are you ready? This is me.

I think about the President of the United States. I think back to the election. I think about how disappointed many were-including myself- of the results. I think about how the next day it was somber and how that I couldn’t believe our country had done what it did. Many people said they wanted a change. People said they wanted to “Make America Great Again”. I thought America was pretty damn good already. I think I am scared for the future of America. This is me.

I think about the NFL and Colin Kaepernick. I think about how he took a stand and people mistreated him-and still do. I think about the reason he took a knee in the first place. He did it so that people would think about what is going on around them. He did it because of the black men that are getting shot and there are no consequences for officers. He explained to observant reporter Steve Wyche that he could not stand and salute a flag that represented a country where inequality and police brutality existed. I think about our freedom of speech. I think about all of the players who took a knee or locked arms in solidarity this week on the field. I think about consequences-will there be any for them? Will they lose their jobs or will they simply be allowed to continue on and play ball? This is me.

I think about the riots and protests that are going on in our country today. I think about Heather Heyer who was killed in a protest in Charlottesville when she went and stood up for what she believed was right. Oh, that I may have bravery like that to stand up for my beliefs and convictions in a world where our country is so segregated. This is me.

I think a lot about social media and how it has changed. I think about it when other people have tons of Instagram stories talking about the way things used to be. The algorithm has changed on Instagram and I don’t get as many likes as I used to and I lose a lot of followers. I think about why I started posting my outfits on Instagram in the first place. I was lonely and worked from home. I wanted to get up and get dressed every day. I wanted to inspire others that might need help putting together outfits or using multiple pieces in multiple ways. I wanted to show the world that bigger women can be and are beautiful. We are created in His image and we are all wonderfully made. This is me.

I think about who I am-who I am becoming as a social media presence. I am posting a picture of my outfit of the day-for what? So that people will run out and buy what I have? So that I will go into debt trying to look like other people? So that I can earn money? People who know me know that none of that is the reason. I truly love fashion and sharing my outfits.  To the people on Instagram who are upset about the lack of engagement, I understand that you want more likes or followers-we all do. As humans we have an inane desire to be liked. Instagram feeds into that desire. But why did you start doing what you are doing in the first place? Why would someone feel the need to buy likes or followers? It’s like I tell my son, if you are playing a game and you have to pay for items to play (remember Farmville?!), you should not play the game or you can play the game to the capacity that it doesn’t require payment. This is me.

Back to the whole social media thing, I am not mad at any of you who feel the need or want to get more popular. I ain’t mad, girl (or guy!). I just think about all of the other stuff that is going on in this world that is so more important that what I am wearing today. I think how can I make a difference in what little way that I can? For me, I look for opportunities to volunteer-usually at work. I was in charge of a school supply drive and a drive for supplies for Hurricane Harvey. I am volunteering tomorrow with handicapped adults and playing games. Outfits are fantastic-don’t get me wrong! I will continue to post them and continue to work with all kinds of fantastic brands but I will also continue to look for ways to make a difference in this world in this little time that we have left to live in it. This is me.

This is me.  This is me who is happy. This is me who loves unconditionally. This is me who fought to get to where I am today. I drove cross country alone and moved with whatever fit in my car. This is me. I have put on some weight-I have more of a pronounced belly, but this is me. I am not perfect nor do I pretend to be but I want you all to know that I don’t want to just think-I want to act. This is me.

One last thing, I chose to wear this dress today because I hadn’t worn it for a couple of years. I had this dress custom made for me by Pioldresses and I loved it when I first received it. I got to pick out the fabric and customize everything-the sleeves, the shape, the length, you name it! I was so happy with this dress but the girl who was wearing it was unhappy. I look at the side by side picture of me then and now. I think about how miserable I was on the inside and how I couldn’t tell anyone what I was thinking or going through. I think about how this girl was about to lose her job and get divorced in the next couple of months. That’s right-I haven’t talked about this publicly but here I am. This is me.

I have so many things that I want to do in my lifetime. I want to design a clothing line. I want to go on a game show. I want to write a book. I want to get a promotion at work. I want to love. I want to live. I want to laugh. I want to make a difference. This is me.

Thanks for reading and following along with me! I know this was a long post but I hope I can encourage at least one person today.

 

Sandae