For the last couple of weeks I have struggled to write something meaningful about what has been going on in my professional life. I have this wonderful platform of writing which is very therapeutic for me but I also want what I write to help someone if possible.
I called this “Hashtags”- I will tell you why. I love a good hashtag. It’s even fun saying the actual word “hashtag” before your said hashtag. Maybe it’s just me or maybe you have to be there. “Hashtag blessed” is one of my favorites. I see people using it in a way that I might not use it-like” I got a venti coffee today instead of a grande” #blessed. You get it.
Well, in my case, I really do feel that I am blessed. I don’t need a hashtag to say it, but I have been given wonderful opportunities in my personal and professional life and I am loving life. Little did I know that some things would change.
As many of you might know, if you are reading the news or keeping up to date, Capital One decided to exit the Mortgage and Home Equity originations business. Capital One Home Loans has been home for me now just shy of one year. I have truly been #blessed since I have worked there. I will also say that last year Capital One was rated on the Best Places to Work and we were encouraged to post pictures or posts using #bptw and we were given tee shirts to show our pride as well. Results are in and we were also among the top rated this year as well-but sadly, no tee-shirts…I digress…
Let me set the stage for you. We were all sent an invite at 10am for a 10:15am meeting in the conference center on campus. It was a very sudden invitation and usually they mean change of some sort-could be bad or good or neutral- it really just depends on what the current initiative is.
As I sat in my chair surrounded by my teammates and looked around me at the sea of faces, I had an uneasy feeling. It was loud and then grew quiet as the doors around us closed and then a hush came over the crowd. It was the moment that we were all waiting for as the head of mortgage came in to speak to us. He then made the announcement that Capital One was exiting the mortgage and home equity originations business and we could get more information from the HR partner there to pick up our packages on the way outside. Hashtag OMG.
I looked around and saw the looks of dismay and horror and disbelief on everyone’s faces. I heard gasps and some crying-surprisingly, it wasn’t from me. The HR partner came up and gave us instructions and the room was quiet as we all stood up and exited. We made our way out the doors and collected our packets and made our way down the stairs.
In that moment, I did not know what to think or how to feel. I wanted to cry but didn’t want to break down. I continued to remain strong as I wondered what would happen to me and what would happen to my friends. We all continued to our respective meetings that were set for us, took some notes and were given the afternoon off. Many of us ended up at the same place to talk about and drown our sorrows in the afternoon.
I felt like I had been broken up with. Several people in leadership told us "you didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault" as they delivered the same canned speeches to us. But that's the break-up equivalent speech to "it's not you, it's me" and it still is hurtful and a shock. Many of my co-workers and including myself saw ourselves staying here and never working anywhere else.
I will tell you I didn’t think I would ever want to put on that #BPTW tee again. I didn’t want to even get up and get out of bed and go into work. But I didn’t want to give in either. As the days have passed, we have gotten more information as to what will happen to us. We have been given more resources than I could even imagine. I am trying to have a #gratitudeattitude for what I have been given and the experience that I have learned even in this past year. Our company has taken care of us the best they can. We have been given time to search and transition into a new position, severance if we do not find something and numerous job fairs to attend as well as coaching, etc. There are so many opportunities for us to apply ourselves and make ourselves even better than we already are.
I remember losing my job a couple of years ago. I had nothing. I remember feeling broken and bruised and felt like giving up. I felt like I had no clue as to what I was doing as I was having struggles in both my personal and professional life at that time. I lost all my confidence. I cried every day-many times a day sometimes. I hurt so bad but I did take comfort in knowing I was going through this tragedy for some purpose. He never gives us more than we can handle.
While I sit here and write this, everything is unknown to me. I will be taking advantage of Resume writing classes, LinkedIn branding, job fairs and job searching in the next few weeks. I am confident that this did happen to me for a reason. I am not certain why, but I do hope that I can be a blessing to someone else during this time.
I am reminded of a couple of my favorite Bible verses that help me as I am fearful and anxious: Deuteronomy 31:16 “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” We are also told in Matthew 6:34 “Take no thought therefore for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” Take no thought about tomorrow. In other words, I need to leave my trust in Him for tomorrow and not worry about it. The last verse that I like is Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” What a beautiful thought to know that He knows our thoughts but He already has our plans laid out for us. We may struggle to get up but He knows He has our back and will ultimately get us to where we need to be. And that my friends, is what I think #blessed really is.
So as I am moving in this new direction in my life, I am thrilled with the prospect of a new challenge. I am nervous as anyone can expect but I am grateful for all of the tools and resources I have been given. I am #sorrynotsorry that I feel somewhat confident this time around. I won’t say overly confident, but I will say that I feel like I am in such a better place this time around. I am in the same situation with hundreds or even thousands of other teammates and I wish nothing but the best for all of us as we go through this journey together.
So because this is a fashion blog after all, I am wearing this fun black dress that I actually purchased earlier this year and really didn’t have a chance to wear yet.
Dress- Eloquii (online early this year)
Shoes- Just Fab (online last year)
Purse-Betsey Ross via Nordstrom Rack (recent)
Thank you for reading and following along with me!